I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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