Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
