it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
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