Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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