my mouth tastes like poor choices
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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