im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
