he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
