i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
