Tell her she can't have a vagina
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize