the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
