Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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