well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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