fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
