This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
