i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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