Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
