New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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