i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
