shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
so much tequila, so little girl.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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