Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
