..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
