after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
