so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
