If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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