It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
