Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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