I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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