Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
