I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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