I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
