Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
