I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
