She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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