i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
