i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I faked an abortion last night.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
