I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
