I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
