I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
