I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
