I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
