Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize