Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
