if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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