i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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