you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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