If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be your penis for a week.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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