I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
We have so much sex to catch up on
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
