I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
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oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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