You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
