omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
