i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
