I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Randomize
