yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
