Sry I called you an 8
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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