White coat. Heels.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
