You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
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Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
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You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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