Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
