Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
