your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
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I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
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i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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