shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
