Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
