Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
