my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
