I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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