so that wasnt chicken after all
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
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Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
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I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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