You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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