Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
