At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
