You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
