Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
