he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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