Ambien. No doubt about it.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
