Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
the day after is always just damage control
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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