He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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