Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
